i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
