i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
pop tarts are not kleenex
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
