You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
