I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
