I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
