if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
