how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
