don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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