it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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