Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
