My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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