i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
organizing the empties. That sober.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
