i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
