So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
