If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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