Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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