my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
