whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
