She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
