Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
