god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
