I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
