there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
