She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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