Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
