It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
the liver wants what the liver wants
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
