I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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