Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
