Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
