Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
