I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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