I've blown a few things in my day
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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