i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
