That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
