Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
