We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
