In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
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