mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
