my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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