At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
