im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
