he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
