how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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