he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
