Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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