So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
