We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
