Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
