I met the friendliest cop last night
false alarm. still invincible.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
