i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
