I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
