I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
