I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
