1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I want to fling myself into the sun
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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