these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just invented taco cereal.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
