it wasn't lemon gatorade
Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
