I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
