There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
