we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
