yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
