Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
