Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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