My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
