mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
