Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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