i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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