matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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