She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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