it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
